Hello, I’m Andrea
I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.
Join me on this wild ride called life.
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The Importance of Doing Nothing: Surviving Grad School and Taking Mental Breaks
Graduate school makes me feel like I’m in this constant state of fear and uncertainty, and sometimes, it’s terrifying. I’ve been thinking about “failure” and “fear.” “Failure” under the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is defined as an “omission of occurrence or performance” or “falling short of something,” while “fear” is defined as “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.”
I’ve thought about fear and failure frequently the last year as it’s been the year of personal changes. I left behind a stable, unsatisfying job, left D.C. and the proximity of being close to my family and friends, moved to Georgia with my partner, started graduate school and am now back in debt. Some days I find it really tough to remember the “why” I am doing all of this and find myself focusing on the struggles. The brain overload and stress, the body tension and biking sweats, the FOMO, trying to keep up on all readings, and being back in debt — I like to think it will be worth it someday.
I went to a Meditation Retreat the other weekend and I was reminded to “accept people and situations as they are.” When I was in my stable job, I was miserable and felt unappreciated. I yearned for opportunities to move up the ladder, to prove myself and tried to find opportunities that challenged me — for a while that helped. But when you start feeling stuck, you do things to get out of your rut. I applied to two graduate programs, filled with fear, but hopeful for the future. I wasn’t accepted into one, but was for the other. I was ecstatic to get into Emory, but what if I wasn’t good enough; what if I failed? That pesky critic in my head that told me I wasn’t enough, had to be shut down.Since then, I’ve had to silent that voice more than I would like. When I feel like I have failed, I remind myself how far I have come. When I work my ass off for a project to have it fall apart at the last moment, I remind myself that I did everything I could and that the project wasn’t a failure because of something I did. When I get passed for a position that I’m excited about, I have to remind myself that something better will come along. When I start to doubt myself or something leads to an argument with Eddie, I like to think that things may be stressful now, but it gets better. I like to think my father is looking down on me and is proud of me.
Strengthening Families: A theoretical approach presentation with my classmates: Anita, Arbre’ya, Floyd and Cydney during our first semester of graduate school. Grad School has taught me the importance of doing nothing. I’ve always made mental health days a priority, but the stress and the guilt that goes into spending mental health breaks when I could be doing homework, or reading another chapter, or reaching out to another professor about an informational interview, or applying to one more job opportunity for the summer — it’s always going to be there. But to be mentally present and be appreciative of what is happening in the moment – that’s rare. Every moment is fleeting and it’s a moment that I can’t get back. So for now, I’ll sit with myself, meditate to quiet the harsh thoughts in my head, breathe, and be within myself… in silence.
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10 Days in Alaska: Wandering Around the 49th State of the United States
Hello again! I recently traveled to Alaska with my mom and felt so inspired to get back to cultivating this blog. Read along to learn more about our travels.
Day 1: Arrive in Fairbanks
We left Atlanta at 3:45 p.m. Eastern Standard Time (EST) on June 24, 2023. Due to the four-hour time difference, we arrived at 12:24 a.m. Alaska Daylight Time (AKDT). We had decided to spend the night at Fairbanks Airport as we were going to take an early train to Denali National Park. We figured there was no need to rent a hotel and we could sleep at the airport before taking the train, thus saving us a night of accommodations.
The months from June through August are the months with the best weather – most sun and least rain – and warmest temperatures. What we failed to realize was the abundance of mosquitoes. When the Arctic gets warmer, the frozen lakes and ponds on the tundra begin to melt, creating the perfect hatching ground for mosquitoes. Even covered from head to toe, we were eaten alive and the first night was miserable.
Days 2 & 3: Take the train to Denali National Park
Alaska has a phenomenal railroad system spanning 470 miles from Fairbanks in the North to Seward in the South. It also connects Anchorage and Denali. We took the train from Fairbanks, which is a four-hour train ride or approximately 110 miles. During our ride, we got to see winding roads, riverbanks, mountains, and snowcaps.
We had our lodging pick us up from the train station/bus depot in Denali. Denali National Park is not accessible by private vehicle, so National Park Service buses are the only way to get into the park, see wildlife, and potentially, see the mountain of Denali herself. Summer access to facilities and services in Denali remains altered due to the Pretty Rocks Landslide and the associated closure of the Park Road at Mile 43. We also visited the Denali Visitor Center and walked around the local shops. My personal favorite pizza place is Lynx Creek Pizza, at the Denali Princess Wilderness Lodge.
Days 4, 5, & 6 : Flightseeing Denali (& Head to Anchorage)
After Denali, we took the 3-hour drive on The Park Connection bus towards Talkeetna Alaska Lodge for a flightseeing tour with K2 Aviation. While we were in Denali, it had been overcast so we hoped we would be able to see more from above – we were right. It was still overcast but there were sights that we couldn’t see from the ground. I sat in the front and was the co-pilot. We took the train to Anchorage and spent the next two days in Anchorage at the Creekwood Inn, where it wasn’t anything special, but it did the trick. In Anchorage, we took local transportation and went downtown to explore. We saw murals and because of the rain, we decide to try the local food. Ma and I went to Humpy’s The Great Alaskan Alehouse where I had a reindeer burger, which surprisingly tasted just like beef but chewier. We met a couple that was on a cruise to explore Alaska and shared stories. By that point, we had taken all methods of transportation, and we went to pick up our rental car, where it made for a much smoother process.
Days 6 & 7 : Head to Kenai Fjords National Park & Moose Pass
Kenai Fjords National Park became a national park in 1980 to preserve the fjord and rainforest ecosystems. It sits in south-central Alaska, west of the town of Seard in the Kenai Peninsula. Moose Pass is a scenic and quaint little pit stop on the way to Seward and other surrounding towns. It is settled in the Chugach National Forest, and it is 30 miles outside of Seward. Ma and I did some exploring and ate some delicious apple pie.
Day 8 & 9 : Head to Seward, Aialik Glacier & Exit Glacier
Seward is a small fishing town on the Kenai Peninsula, south of Anchorage (south central of Alaska). Seward is in the Kenai Fjords National Park where mountains, ice and ocean all meet. In this town, highlights include taking a fjord or whale watching cruise, hiking along Exit Glacier & Harding Icefield. These fjords are massive waterways and passages that are home to Alaska’s sea life of humpback and orca whales, eagles, seabirds like puffins, fish, starfish, and plenty of otters – it’s the perfect place for animal watching. We spent the better part of that day on the boat, absolutely in awe of a beautiful day and sea animals. When we stopped at Aialik Glacier where there were sea otters just laying on blocks of ice, we stood and watched them enjoy their natural habitat. Aialik Glacier is the largest glacier in Aialik Bay, located deep in Kenai Fjords National Park. It drains into the Aialik Bay and is part of the Harding Icefield. The calving activity of a glacier occurs when ice chunks from the edge of the glacier breaks apart and is suddenly released into a mass of iceberg.
Exit Glacier is just north of Seward and has a bunch of hiking trails that have shaped around the Alaskan terrain. The terrain is split off into three or four hikes, each with varying degrees of difficulty and abundance of mosquitoes. It was a nice stroll to wrap up our time in the South of Alaska and a place that I would like to go back to, if given the opportunity to go back to the 49th State.
Days 9 and 10 : Head to Anchorage & Flight Home
Ma really wanted to see some wild bears and after not being able to do that, we visited the Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center, which is a facility where many species of native Alaskan animals live permanently or in rehabilitation. We were able to see brown and black bears, moose, deer, wolves, and many other animals before heading up to Anchorage. Our flight left on July 2nd, 2023, from Anchorage. On our way back, we were upgraded to 1st class, and it was the perfect ending to our third mother-and-daughter trip.
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Peace Corps Reflections: Peace Corps Week 2020
Since the time I completed my Peace Corps Service in 2016 until now, I have had a lot of people, women in particular, reach out to me for advice. Since today is International Women’s Day and yesterday was the last day for Peace Corps Week, I thought I would add some pointers.
1. Be Authentic.
There is nothing more pure or wonderful than falling in love with a community and people, opposite than your own. And even better, there is nothing better than people of another culture loving you for who you are. We may live in different places, speak different languages, and eat different things, but underneath it all, we’re all the same.
We all want to be loved, respected, to find a meaning of life, to be able to pursue our desires, and to do better. Of course, there are certain posts (like Ethiopia) where homosexuality is a sin and you’re advised to not share fully. When speaking to those in my group who identified in the LGQBT community, they expressed that only a select and trusted few knew about their identity. As a woman, it’s also important to understand the culture and use that as a tool on who to reach out and what is appropriate. I felt more comfortable working with women and often found ways to partner with them. My two closest friends, the one I shared all the complexities with, were both women. Again, be authentically you around people who matter and the people around you will take care of you.2. Know YOURSELF.
When I served in Peace Corps, I knew I wanted to serve in Africa. When I wasn’t placed
in Africa, I was intentional about making my desires known and I was moved to another post. When I arrived in Ethiopia, I knew I wanted to learn Amharic, I wanted to live in a small town, and I knew I wanted to live with greenery around me. I knew that I was an introverted woman and therefore would feel lost in a big town. I knew that I wanted to wake up every day with the sunrise and have people know my name as I walked through the community. When I had my interview with my Program Manager (PM) on where to place me, I advocated for myself. I didn’t know what my two years would look like, but I knew that I would find a home… and I did. I fell in love with Chiri, with it’s beautiful and lush green mountains, with the way my family took care of me without asking for anything in return, the fact that perfect strangers said my name with smiles on their faces, or when neighbors I had never met invited me into their homes to drink tea to get away from the hot sun, or the fact that when I was robbed, Chiri was the place that made me feel safe and comforted. I was home.3. Remember The Why.
There were two moments I wanted to call it quits and wanted to early terminate (ET) but one that really stood out in my memory as I had blogged about it. I went back and read that blog post, and all I can do is smile. In that moment, it felt like my whole world was coming down, but retrospectively, I managed to make the most of it and ask for help. For some, asking for help is a sign of weakness, but in Peace Corps, if you don’t ask for help, you’re not going to make it. Asking for help could mean going to the capital for a couple days of rest, or gorging yourself on a really fat and juicy burger, or even an hour conversation with someone you’re close to. It could also mean just getting out of the immediate situation. After I wanted to call it quits and I spoke to my PM, I knew that I needed to get rid of my anxious emotions and leave my house. I left the house, went for a walk, and ran into some of my students. They were excited to see me and talk to me. When I got home, the kids were outside waiting for me and they helped me with my crossword puzzle. Those people were the why. My family were the reason why. My stubbornness and inability to fail were the reason why. The things I wanted for future were the reason why. The friends and loved one I had made along the way were the reason why. Most importantly, remembering it was a bad moment, not a bad service.4. Be patient
With others, with yourself, and with the world. I often remember how frustrated I was at myself for not getting the “light bulb moment” earlier when it came to the language. Amharic is a hard language to learn, and I still don’t fully know it. Growing up, I was privileged to know two languages, but I didn’t realize how humbling it was to be in a place you don’t know the language and struggle to communicate until I was there. Instead, I had to rely on gestures, learn to laugh when I said phrases incorrectly, and not take myself so seriously. I give huge props to people who learn new languages. Being patient and culturally competent also means that you understand “it’s not right. It’s not wrong. It’s just different.” You end up joining Peace Corps because you want to make a difference in the world, and if you let it, you find that a community will change you… forever. Had I tried to maintain control in all situations, I wouldn’t have allowed people to take care of me when I was sick, I wouldn’t have had honest conversations with people, I wouldn’t have opened up to students like I did, and in turn, those students wouldn’t have changed me. So for those future PCVs, enjoy the ride – the good and the bad. It’s yours and it will be what you make of it.
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Top 10 Reasons Why Living in the Nations’ Capital Rocks and Sucks
I’ve lived in D.C. for a little over two years now and have a love/hate relationship with this city. D.C. has been a place for me to grow into myself and figure out the next journey of my life. At times though, even with the tourists galore, it tends to feel a little lonely.. all these people and I’m just trying to find out what I want and who I am, as an individual and in a relationship with my partner. I value the time I’ve spent in D.C. but look forward to leaving it in August.
These are the things I love and hate about living in the capital.
- The transportation system is phenomenal – it’s safe to ride at all times of the day and for the most part, reliable. You can get from one part of the city to another within 30 minutes using metro. Buses are consistent and with the DC Circulator being free (for now), D.C. has your back.
- Smithsonian Museums & National Zoos — so many wonderful museums for free. I have never been anywhere in the U.S. where you don’t have to pay go to into a tourist attractions. Having visitors and being able to take them to attractions at low-cost has been a bonus! Plus, being such a bike friendly city!
- The choices in foods — D.C. is a melting pot. For example, within a block, you can find Jamaican, Mexican, and Ethiopian. I have tasted delicious pastries and have left with a tummy full of yummies.
- Meet people from all walks of life — people move here to work and go to school. It’s rare to find a true Washingtonian that has been born and raised in D.C. Having so many people from different ethnicities that can speak different languages and speak on their experiences make for interesting stories. No one’s story is exactly like the next.
- Distilleries and Breweries — D.C. prides itself on it’s variety of alcohol. I’ve tasted different ciders, beers and wines that I haven’t had anywhere else. Grab a cold one and support the Nats!
- Politics are something else — working for the government has been a mixture of frustration, challenging, and wonderful moments. I’ve become aware of the importance in being knowledgeable of what’s going on around you, but some of what I’ve seen and experienced has made me feel resentful of our government. However, during the shutdown, I saw people and business unite and help out the community!
- The drive to keep moving is exhausting — you’re a gem if you don’t find the constant go tiring. To get anywhere, you have to keep moving forward and dodge bumping into people as if they were landmines. You have to stand on one side of the moving escalator or you’ll slow down walking traffic. Coming from a small town in Delaware to D.C. and being an introvert, I’ve had to learn how to rebalance myself. This city at times has drained me and I’ve had to recognize when I need to do a little bit of self love/care.
- The competition of people always being better than you — having a migration of individuals from all walks of life also means that there are people out there that will be better at things than you. There is a higher need to compete and be the best. What works for one company won’t always work with another, and networking won’t always have positive results.
- Cost of living is high – I miss not having to pay for taxes. Sure, my salary may be higher than if I had stayed in Delaware, but it’s only to adjust for inflation. I also pay much higher taxes and everything costs twice as much.
- Tourists galore! — again, it has its pros and cons. More people visiting means longer lines at the bathroom (come on, let’s be real — this only applies to the ladies bathroom), more trash on the streets and more traffic. It also means that there is more noise around attractions and sometimes find it hard to just be present. I sometimes forget that I used to be a tourist and loved taking photos of everything. Living in D.C. is different than visiting.
I wanted to reflect on things that I’ll miss when I leave D.C. This place hasn’t always given me happy memories, but I’m grateful for the time I’ve spent here. I wouldn’t be who I am without D.C.
Lastly, I’m happy to say that I’ve been admitted into Emory, my dream school, in order to pursue my Master in Public Health (MPH). Together, Eddie and I will pack up our belongings and head towards Atlanta to start our new journey together. While at times intimidating and scary, I’m looking forward to what’s next as anything is possible.
Note: I plan on posting more consistently from now on – the future of the blog post will cover experiences in graduate school, traveling and learning to navigate as an empowered Latinx in Atlanta, Georgia.
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It’s not goodbye: a lesson on grief
My dad, John, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease over 15 years ago and he died from the progression of the disease in October. His disease weakened him over the years as his muscles stiffened, his tremors worsened, and his anxiety increased. Technically, he was my step-father but he had stepped into the role of dad at a pivotal point in my young life that anything besides dad seems insulting.
He came into my life at a crucial moment – I was about 5 or 6 living in Honduras. I was attached at his hip and would often cling to his leg when he would come back to the U.S. My biological father had been absent and left for the U.S., and even with phone calls, left me feeling abandoned. It took some therapy and some self-healing to get over my abandonment issues and reunite with my biological father, but thankfully, John stepped in. He wasn’t always the most vocal about his feelings; he made up for it through lasagna, cookies and other baked goods. I learned to love baking because of my dad and although I don’t do it often, it makes me feel happy to watch as people try my baked goods for the first time. As we both got older, we were finally able to express “I love you’s” to each other.
At the church service, my sister wrote a beautiful eulogy that honored who he was; both the good and the bad.
He brought my mother and her children to America where he provided safety, a home, an education, an opportunity, and for the first time in a long time a father. At times though, it was difficult to connect with John and get to truly know the heart and soul of what made him. We had to learn and understand his love language through what he loved deeply: biking, traveling, cooking, languages, the Red Sox, writing, books and history. He never fully revealed himself all at once, we had to learn to love him patiently through the bits and pieces of what he loved. It was here that we could unmask some of the mystery of the man we loved. It was here that he would delve into his thoughts about the world, life, death, humorous stories about his time as an immigration officer. No one could tell stories like John. No one knew history, trivia, shirts with funny sayings, languages, or baked casseroles like John.
For such an impressive a man, I wish he had allowed himself to open up about the struggles he faced inside. Like all of us, he was a flawed individual who struggled with battles inside. As much as John loved, he was also capable of hurting. He sometimes had a hard time saying I’m sorry and I love you, but he always showed it through his actions. I learned to forgive through his silent words and learned to love him through his many displays of quiet affection.
As I got a little older, my dream was for my dad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. When his cane stopped helping him and he started using a wheelchair, I wished for a stroll down the aisle. With time, it became “as long as he can take me down the aisle, that’s all that matters” and now… that’s not possible. He isn’t around anymore. It’s been about 5 and a half months since I got the phone call. I can’t call him and tell him about my life in graduate school, I can’t call and ask him questions about his life and I can’t call him for advice on the best way to tackle graduate studies and work.
I’ll miss talking to him about the latest medical show that he was watching. I often found myself smiling when I heard him talk about an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I’ll miss his witty remarks and seeing his lovely blue eyes. I’ll miss being able to go to the history buff and having help on homework.
I’ve been trying to find ways to honor him and his memory and at times, have struggled with the ways to do so. This post took several days because I started crying while writing as I realized all the way he wouldn’t be there. The more I thought about the “wouldn’t,” the sadder I got — until one day, I realized that I had plenty of “did’s” and that mattered just as much. In the last year before his death, I made a conscious decision to try to visit him and his wife, Mary Ann as much as possible. I would visit every other month and we would all sit together watching tv and read books. As his illness progressed, his voice got softer making it harder to hear him, the less his sentences made sense, and the more tired he became so being on the couch with him was the best way to connect. I was happy that Mary Ann kept persuading us to visit more – he seemed happier when I was there and I didn’t mind the 2 hour drive from DC to Pennsylvania. The commute allowed me to reflect and I learned to embrace the solitude. Over time, I started noticing that he would take more medication, had more falls, more memory lapses and became more frustrated on his lack of ability to do what he used to be able to do. John had the strongest legs I have ever seen in my life – an avid bicyclist and cookie monster. You couldn’t find him without cookie crumbs on his shirt.
Arianna and Dad meeting for the first time.
Toby, Nate and Arianna with Dad.
The last photo we would have as a family. My dad found a way to write about history despite being sick — he eventually went on to publish two books. He was proud of the work he did and it made me realize that that was the best way to honor him. I can honor him through my writing, ensuring it’s authentic and who I am. I can honor his memory though public service and helping others. I can remember him through cooking and baking. I can smile when The Universe finds a way to remind me of him; his beloved Red Sox Win the 2018 World Series and I know he was smiling down. Although he will never be able to read or post on my blog anymore, I always looked forward to his witty comments. So dad — this is for you. I hope you’re watching and reading with pride.
Note: China: The New Paper Tiger and A Walk in the Garden of Time
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The importance of being present and mindful
In trying to get inspiration, I refer to others blog and came upon this lovely phrase: “You can’t really understand foreigners until you are one.”
There is such a freeing feeling in traveling; the ecstatic feeling of trying new things, of being immersed in a new country with different ideals and customs, and of being near to new languages. Not everyone can afford traveling, but people should travel – whether it’s to your next state or to the country across the continent. But most importantly, you should take the time to be present while you’re traveling and not feel in such a rush. You should sit back, reflect and act.
On April 26th for the Federal Inter agency Holocaust Remembrance held at the Lincoln Theater here in Washington, D.C., we listened to two speakers who were survivors of the Holocaust. Their message was clear: “There were 42,500 concentration camps and counting in Europe. They (bystanders) heard nothing, saw nothing and smelled nothing. We must all remember but remembering is not enough. We must all teach our children tolerance at school and at home. Hate is never right and love is never wrong.”How are you supposed to describe the smell in the Sistine Chapel and the way that tears fall down your face as you look up at that beautiful piece of artwork? How are you supposed to express the rawness of seeing the home of Anne Frank and being taken back in that moment, as if you yourself were Anne Frank? How can you describe the adrenaline that runs through you as you see one of your friends being taken advantage of and robbed? Or the moment when you want to leave it all behind, but your new family abroad helps give you perspective in realizing that it’s not as bad as you think it is.
With that in mind, we must pass down our experiences to our children, to our friends and loved ones by sharing. We must encourage others to find the simplicity in life and find the love of being surrounded by something different. Feel the importance of each others lives by traveling to that place and experiencing it on your own.
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Andrea C. Vilorio 